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But queer dating has the additional hurdles of having come out to someone ugh and decipher whether they play for your team double ugh. Plus, she says, lesbian dating apps give queer folks a way to make other queer friends without having to jet off to cities with big queer community. Trust the writer: I met my last three girlfriends and two of my closest queer friends on dating apps!

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Do you identify as a member of the lesbian and gay community and have found it increasingly tough to find a stable partner? Do you find yourself going on one first date after another and not feel able to see that person again? Have you ever felt alone or undesired as a single member of the lesbian and gay community? You are not alone in wondering about these issues, and there are perfectly reasonable explanations for all of these questions.

As an affirmative therapist , I take into account all of the different explanations as to why finding a partner can feel like a tireless, endless search. There are many others out there experiencing your similar frustrations when it comes to lesbian and gay dating. Below are some of the research-based explanations as to why dating in the community can feel difficult.

Hopefully after reading some of these, you may feel less mystified and more understanding about why your search for gay and lesbian partnership may feel never-ending. Substance Abuse : The problem of widespread substance abuse is a huge complication of dating in the gay community. In fact, if a couple is attending couples therapy and it is discovered that either partner is abusing drugs or alcohol, couples therapy must immediately be stopped and resumed when the partner has seized the substance abuse and receives adequate ongoing treatment through AA, AlAnon, rehabilitation, etc.

Under this same principle, an individual abusing substances will not be able to fully commit to a healthy partnership in which both partners are completely whole. What is more problematic with this phenomenon is that, according to studies, members of the lesbian and gay community who enter substance abuse programs have more severities in their abuse patterns than heterosexual abusers. This is probably due to a variety of issues such as societal oppression, a conflicted home life, or an increased risk of violence.

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